so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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