Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize