Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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