bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
