we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
