Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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