just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
