when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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