Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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