In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
