If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Terrible idea I love it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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