I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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