just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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