apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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