Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
