He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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