I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
