I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
