I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
