Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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