so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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