Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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