so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize