he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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