I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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