yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
