glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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