I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize