roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
