i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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