yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
handjob tips. give me some.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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