More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
