Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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