plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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