Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
