she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I skipped work to stalk him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
