C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
