my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
