maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
