I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
