Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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