I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
