I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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