I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize