Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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