Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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