I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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