I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize