I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
