i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
