I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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