And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
