tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
