he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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