The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
