You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
