just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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