I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
