I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
