I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
