i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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