I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
