wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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