Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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