Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize