you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
