I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
